Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on.
You know how it goes; it's been a crap day. Nothing seems to be going your way. You want to just crawl under your bed and cry.
Yes, I've been there.
Everyone has, actually.
...
Rhodes was a tough cop; one of the best they said. What struck me as remarkable about the man was his sheer....level-headedness. In the six months I've been on the force, I've stood and watched him shoot seven men. His hand never wavered. I've seen him look on crime scenes, on what's left of people after crime scenes; corpses so badly off you can't tell if they're man or woman, old or young...he never said a word.
September 16, 1989:
It had been one rough week. Three people were dead already. Scratch that, they weren't dead,they were worse than dead. Charlie "the artist" Sheen was in town. He didn't just kill his victims; he made paintings on the walls with them.
It was around midnight when I got a call; another victim. My hand shook as I called Rhodes;
Charlie...another one. 54, Second street.
That's all I needed to say.
He was there before me. As I pushed the door open, I saw the man standing there. Tall, angling, a man in his late forties, already greying around the temples.
He was standing very still, looking at the far side of the room, at the north wall.
I followed his gaze.
...
This part of the narrative is left out.
Grace Kimberly, aged ten, died on September 16th 1989. It took a Med team eighteen hours before the parents were even allowed in to see her body.
,,,,
I will always remember Rhodes' expression that night. His eyes were looking at the wall, but they didn't seem to be seeing it. I was standing next to him, but he didn't seem to be aware of me, either.
It is a terrible feeling...arriving too late.
He raised his gun and fired a shot straight into the ceiling.
Then he went home.
....
Of course, he caught Charlie.
And Charlie was hanged.
But I swear to God, I do not know how Rhodes made it through that night.
It took me several hours to clean the vomit from my walls.
...
When Irene heard her husband come home that morning; she went to him at once. They had been married long enough; she knew when something was wrong.
They stood there for a moment, in the hallway, looking at each other.
He, the tall, powerful city cop.
She, his wife- so small and frail against him.
And suddenly, John Rhodes seemed to fold. His mighty frame crumpled, and he slumped against his wife.
So young...so young...So bloody young, Irene..
Hush, baby....it's alright. It's alright. It's going to be alright.I'm here now.
It's okay.
I'm here.
Great, powerful sobs racked through thr grown man's body.
It's okay.
Honey, you hear me. It's okay. I'm here.
It's okay.
He let out a cry of pure,desperate unhappiness then, of inhuman pain; of the lion that had arrived too late, of a heart torn apart by grief.
The cry went on.
She held him tighter.
Baby, I'm here.
They held each other for hours.
....
In my time of need, I will call you. Be there for me.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Talents
Is he dead?
What happened? What happened?
He's dead. No, he's not.
What happened to him?
Look at his eyes.
What's wrong with his eyes?
What is wrong with his eyes?
Oh my God.
...
13 “Therefore stay alert, because you do not know the day or the hour. 14 For it is like a man going on a journey, who summoned his slaves and entrusted his property to them. 15 To one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The one who had received five talents went off right away and put his money to work270 and gained five more. 17 In the same way, the one who had two gained two more. 18 But the one who had received one talent went out and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money in it, and the worms ate at the talent 19 After a long time, the master of those slaves came and settled his accounts with them. 20 The one who had received the five talents came and brought five more, saying, ‘Sir, you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’ 21 His master answered, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful in a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 22 The one with the two talents also came and said, ‘Sir, you entrusted two talents to me. See, I have gained two more.’ 23 His master answered, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful with a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 24 Then the one who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Sir, I knew that you were a hard man, harvesting where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter seed, 25 so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. See, you have what is yours.’ 26 But his master answered, ‘Evil and lazy slave! So you knew that I harvest where I didn’t sow and gather where I didn’t scatter? 27 Then you should have deposited my money with the bankers, and on my return I would have received my money back with interest! 28 Therefore take the talent from him and give it to the one who has ten. 29 For the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30 And throw that worthless slave into the outer darkness, and set my demon onto him.
30 There will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth’” (Matthew 25:13-30).
....
A terrible scream broke through the night.
No ! Please. No! Who are you ? What are you? What do you want from me?
Speak ! Why won't you speak?
There was a deathly chill in the air.
The figure removed his hood.
The boy gasped, and fell back, horrified.
He began screaming again.
The figure raised his hand and flung his scythe.
The screaming stopped, abruptly.
...
Nathaniel 25:13-30
You want to know who I am?
I am the boy who watched you grow up; the one who watched as you excelled in everything you touched; who gasped with wonder and amazement at the smallest of your feats. I am the sister who stayed up all night, doing your work, while you slept.I am the brother who stood by; and watched with a pride that knows no words, as you climbed higher and higher. I cried Ben, and I gave thanks to God, for the wonders that He had bestowed on you.
And as I cried, I wept.
I am the father who cut out his arm so that you may have whatever you wanted. I am the one who wept as he saw his only son, the son for whom he would die, turn into the worst sort of abomination possible.
I am Nathaniel.
Your father, has not known proper sleep for the past three years. Your mother cries herself to bed every night.
You disgust me.
Pathetic excuse for a soul;
you disgust me.
He gave you everything. Everything!
Who are you to throw it away?
So much of talent, so many gifts; you were like a prince, like a God-His favourite child. And what did you do?
What did you do?
You squandered it all away like a filthy, ungrateful animal.
You drank. You smoked. You did weed. You shacked up with every wench that would have you.
Have you no shame? Have you no honour?
What right have you got that entitles you to fritter away that which is not yours?
Who are you to decide that that which He has given you is fit only to be used to get your next whore into bed?
No man has the right to choose to waste his talents. They are not his, to begin with.
No such man deserves to live.
I pity you Ben; you had it all, and in a few minutes, when I carve out your heart and leave you here- you're going to wish you were dead.
You are dead to me now,
brother.
The master does not forgive.
Ayin tachat ayin.
What happened? What happened?
He's dead. No, he's not.
What happened to him?
Look at his eyes.
What's wrong with his eyes?
What is wrong with his eyes?
Oh my God.
...
13 “Therefore stay alert, because you do not know the day or the hour. 14 For it is like a man going on a journey, who summoned his slaves and entrusted his property to them. 15 To one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The one who had received five talents went off right away and put his money to work270 and gained five more. 17 In the same way, the one who had two gained two more. 18 But the one who had received one talent went out and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money in it, and the worms ate at the talent 19 After a long time, the master of those slaves came and settled his accounts with them. 20 The one who had received the five talents came and brought five more, saying, ‘Sir, you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’ 21 His master answered, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful in a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 22 The one with the two talents also came and said, ‘Sir, you entrusted two talents to me. See, I have gained two more.’ 23 His master answered, ‘Well done, good and faithful slave! You have been faithful with a few things. I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 24 Then the one who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Sir, I knew that you were a hard man, harvesting where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter seed, 25 so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. See, you have what is yours.’ 26 But his master answered, ‘Evil and lazy slave! So you knew that I harvest where I didn’t sow and gather where I didn’t scatter? 27 Then you should have deposited my money with the bankers, and on my return I would have received my money back with interest! 28 Therefore take the talent from him and give it to the one who has ten. 29 For the one who has will be given more, and he will have more than enough. But the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30 And throw that worthless slave into the outer darkness, and set my demon onto him.
30 There will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth’” (Matthew 25:13-30).
....
A terrible scream broke through the night.
No ! Please. No! Who are you ? What are you? What do you want from me?
Speak ! Why won't you speak?
There was a deathly chill in the air.
The figure removed his hood.
The boy gasped, and fell back, horrified.
He began screaming again.
The figure raised his hand and flung his scythe.
The screaming stopped, abruptly.
...
Nathaniel 25:13-30
You want to know who I am?
I am the boy who watched you grow up; the one who watched as you excelled in everything you touched; who gasped with wonder and amazement at the smallest of your feats. I am the sister who stayed up all night, doing your work, while you slept.I am the brother who stood by; and watched with a pride that knows no words, as you climbed higher and higher. I cried Ben, and I gave thanks to God, for the wonders that He had bestowed on you.
And as I cried, I wept.
I am the father who cut out his arm so that you may have whatever you wanted. I am the one who wept as he saw his only son, the son for whom he would die, turn into the worst sort of abomination possible.
I am Nathaniel.
Your father, has not known proper sleep for the past three years. Your mother cries herself to bed every night.
You disgust me.
Pathetic excuse for a soul;
you disgust me.
He gave you everything. Everything!
Who are you to throw it away?
So much of talent, so many gifts; you were like a prince, like a God-His favourite child. And what did you do?
What did you do?
You squandered it all away like a filthy, ungrateful animal.
You drank. You smoked. You did weed. You shacked up with every wench that would have you.
Have you no shame? Have you no honour?
What right have you got that entitles you to fritter away that which is not yours?
Who are you to decide that that which He has given you is fit only to be used to get your next whore into bed?
No man has the right to choose to waste his talents. They are not his, to begin with.
No such man deserves to live.
I pity you Ben; you had it all, and in a few minutes, when I carve out your heart and leave you here- you're going to wish you were dead.
You are dead to me now,
brother.
The master does not forgive.
Ayin tachat ayin.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Flaunt
The element of flaunt.
There is a small part of us that wants to be noticed.
So we laugh a little louder than strictly necessary.
Especially true of women.
Coming soon.
There is a small part of us that wants to be noticed.
So we laugh a little louder than strictly necessary.
Especially true of women.
Coming soon.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
1.15
It's a quarter after one.
You all know the song.
It's funny isn't it? How you can have a lot of things going your way one minute and the next-
this.
You're stuck at home watching romantic comedies on your computer, going to bed every night drunk on regret, among other things.
....
It was a nice house. Anyone who saw it would tell you that. It had a lawn, and a pool, a cozy porch. A lot of the house bespoke a woman's touch.
"Bespoke", nice word. It's a verb actually. Only problem is- it's in the past tense.
Hey, it's me; again.
I was um... thinking...about you, and thought i'd give you a call, just to-just to sorta check up on you.
It's amazing the kind of lies people can come up with, and sometimes rather desperately hope for everyone else to believe.
Like she wouldn't know the truth.
I thought someone told me that they wouldn't call
Her tone was icy. He hadn't expected much else.
Yeah well...I just was feeling a bit...
Pause.
Ok.
Pause.
Oh well, he'd called now.
So,er, how are you doing, beautiful?
A memory;
The sound of laughter.
Do you think I'm beautiful.
Of course da.
You're lying.
The sound of a person unsure-wanting to be reassured.
I'm not.
Ok.
I'm doing alright. How you doing?
Alright, I guess.
So...
So.
Listen, I've been meaning to tell you some..something.
Pause.
Babe, have you been drinking?
She could almost hear the guilty shifting the other end.
Well..
Babe?
Ok, a little bit.
A little bit?
Yeah, just a little bit.
Promise?
Promise.
Hmmm.
Look, I had a real rough day alright? Cut me some slack.
He could almost hear her pursing her lips.
Alright.What happened?
Mumbling.
What happened?
Just sorta...some...stuff. People...annoying me.
Some...stuff?
Yeah, stuff.
Another memory:
You're an uncommunicative, crazy man.
Yeah, I guess.
Don't you grin at me. You're not getting off that easy this time. How am I supposed to help you if you won't tell me what happened?
Umm..You could tell me you love me, give me a hug and buy me some chocolate.
Very funny.
No, seriously- chocolate-
Ahem.
Yes dear.
Don't you "Yes dear",me.
Yes dear.
Sigh.
Annoying, he was; and also slightly adorable-slightly.
That's bad. What can I do to help?
Through the mumbling the words, "Come home" were audible.
What?
Nothing.
Ok.
So..yeah. 'k, I'll call-I'll call later then?
There was a slight breaking of the voice.
Ok.
Bye.
Bye.
Of course, he never told her what he'd really called for. He didn't tell her that he was sorry for what he'd done. That he had thought that pushing her away was the only way things would ever work out. That he'd been a bloody idiot. That he'd messed up.
No.
How do you explain to a woman that her affection had been considered a needless luxury? That her heart had been the first casualty in an inhumano process of de-humanization? That all the brilliance in the world hadn't stopped a man being an utter fool?
And now?
And now, when he had jumped freely into the pit of his ambition, he found that he had no wings to carry him; no hands to catch him as he fell; and no joy to make the work worth living
You won't know what you've got till it's gone, they say.
They were right, of course; whoever "they" were. 'xept it wasn't much help now.
Nothing was, really.
He'd like to put down every cliche that he'd ever seen or read. That if he had a chance to turn back time and do one thing right in his life-it would be the decision to call it quits. That she should take him back, even though he didn't deserve it.
That things would be different, this time around.
Of course, he never told her all this. He kept the phone, and slumped back into a stupor.
.....
The beautiful part of it all,
is that she called back.
.....
You all know the song.
It's funny isn't it? How you can have a lot of things going your way one minute and the next-
this.
You're stuck at home watching romantic comedies on your computer, going to bed every night drunk on regret, among other things.
....
It was a nice house. Anyone who saw it would tell you that. It had a lawn, and a pool, a cozy porch. A lot of the house bespoke a woman's touch.
"Bespoke", nice word. It's a verb actually. Only problem is- it's in the past tense.
Hey, it's me; again.
I was um... thinking...about you, and thought i'd give you a call, just to-just to sorta check up on you.
It's amazing the kind of lies people can come up with, and sometimes rather desperately hope for everyone else to believe.
Like she wouldn't know the truth.
I thought someone told me that they wouldn't call
Her tone was icy. He hadn't expected much else.
Yeah well...I just was feeling a bit...
Pause.
Ok.
Pause.
Oh well, he'd called now.
So,er, how are you doing, beautiful?
A memory;
The sound of laughter.
Do you think I'm beautiful.
Of course da.
You're lying.
The sound of a person unsure-wanting to be reassured.
I'm not.
Ok.
I'm doing alright. How you doing?
Alright, I guess.
So...
So.
Listen, I've been meaning to tell you some..something.
Pause.
Babe, have you been drinking?
She could almost hear the guilty shifting the other end.
Well..
Babe?
Ok, a little bit.
A little bit?
Yeah, just a little bit.
Promise?
Promise.
Hmmm.
Look, I had a real rough day alright? Cut me some slack.
He could almost hear her pursing her lips.
Alright.What happened?
Mumbling.
What happened?
Just sorta...some...stuff. People...annoying me.
Some...stuff?
Yeah, stuff.
Another memory:
You're an uncommunicative, crazy man.
Yeah, I guess.
Don't you grin at me. You're not getting off that easy this time. How am I supposed to help you if you won't tell me what happened?
Umm..You could tell me you love me, give me a hug and buy me some chocolate.
Very funny.
No, seriously- chocolate-
Ahem.
Yes dear.
Don't you "Yes dear",me.
Yes dear.
Sigh.
Annoying, he was; and also slightly adorable-slightly.
That's bad. What can I do to help?
Through the mumbling the words, "Come home" were audible.
What?
Nothing.
Ok.
So..yeah. 'k, I'll call-I'll call later then?
There was a slight breaking of the voice.
Ok.
Bye.
Bye.
Of course, he never told her what he'd really called for. He didn't tell her that he was sorry for what he'd done. That he had thought that pushing her away was the only way things would ever work out. That he'd been a bloody idiot. That he'd messed up.
No.
How do you explain to a woman that her affection had been considered a needless luxury? That her heart had been the first casualty in an inhumano process of de-humanization? That all the brilliance in the world hadn't stopped a man being an utter fool?
And now?
And now, when he had jumped freely into the pit of his ambition, he found that he had no wings to carry him; no hands to catch him as he fell; and no joy to make the work worth living
You won't know what you've got till it's gone, they say.
They were right, of course; whoever "they" were. 'xept it wasn't much help now.
Nothing was, really.
He'd like to put down every cliche that he'd ever seen or read. That if he had a chance to turn back time and do one thing right in his life-it would be the decision to call it quits. That she should take him back, even though he didn't deserve it.
That things would be different, this time around.
Of course, he never told her all this. He kept the phone, and slumped back into a stupor.
.....
The beautiful part of it all,
is that she called back.
.....
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