This blog is about letting go.Its also about what people can justify with the phrase"Because I love you".This is a note to all parents-Learn to let go.You have brought up your child in the best possible way.You've done everything you can for him.You've given him everything he has evr needed or wanted -within reason of course.But there comes a time in every child's life when in the eyes of the parents he seems to turn on the hand that fed him.This is when u need to led go.How long do you think you can protect him?For ever?Can you stay with her till she walks into her grave.The young do not fear death.Let them live.Let them make mistakes.They need to learn who they are. I'm warning you there will come a time when your child will cut herself to see whether she can really bleed because You've molly cuddled her so much that she simply does not know. There will come a time when ure child will take a rik just to see what happens.Tie a man in a strait jacket long enuff and he will one day try to choke himself.In parenthood there comes a time when your child will run a sword thru ur heart.He will turn on you and say "Dont do this for me anymore.Enough Protection." He will tell you that he needs his space and that he needs to get away from you for a while. Instead of clinging on to him at this point like a drowning sailor take a deep breath look him in the eye and say "I trust you . Do what you feel necessary. Remember that we love you ad that our hopes and dreams res on your shoulders."You will not be let down.Now onto a related issue..
There is an amazin amount of things that parents seem to get away with using the phrase "because we love you.."It is implied.Every time my mother comes up to me and says something like "i'd like to accompany you to college" I find myself thinking "Alrite,she wants to accompany her son whom she loves dearly.She wants to be the proud mother she has always wanted to be.Is that so bad?It wil cost me some face with my frends .But what the heck."I pray that my son thinks out the same line of thought some day.But there are times,times when i really wish i could draw the line.When my father gives me lines like"Dont go to the movie because one my friends will see you there and therefore my reputation as a good father will decrease and also I have reason to believe that movie goers are spoilt brats.Besides all your brothers were spoilt by goin to the movies."I feel like throwing up my hands in sheer total frustration and banging my head on the wall.Dont You EVR trust me ?Dont give me that about it not being a question of trust.It IS about trust.Can't you put aside your fears for me?Just because HE got "Spoilt"when he went to the movies,doesn't mean i will as well.Youve drilled your "morals" untill i can recite them backwards.Then what are you afraid of?The bottom line is:You dont trust me.Atleast thats what i feel.You dont trust me.I trust you so much.I would lay my life down for one of your decisions.But I'd like some trust in return. Someday.
Disclaimer:This particular blog is not something I'm riting outt of my own personal experience.It's second hand.Peace
Friday, June 20, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Home
Home
I really can’t help it. My life is a song. Every time I look at the world, at some incident that touches me or makes me happy or sad-I hear a song playing in my head. It helps me understand-and it eases the pain. This next song is a beautiful number that tugs at me every time I hear it. Its called “Home” by Daughtry.
If I were to set a scene for this song-I would imagine myself driving back home after a concert. Its late at night, its been a long day and I’m thinking..
Home. I look outside into the night at the busy city, the world outside-and I feel comforted by the knowledge that for today at least it’s all over-that I’m going back to a place where I’m loved, where I’m wanted. No matter how bad the day has been, no matter how much I’ve messed up, I’m going back home now and its all going to be alright. I can see it already-My home, my house, my family. There are smiles-not plastic ones but real ones, and there are people who really care about me. There’s a mat at the door-it says, “Leave your problems at the door son, you’re home now” We spend our whole lives searching for things away from home to make ourselves feel better. The other man’s grass is always greener. But at the end of the day what we fail to realize, is that everything we truly need or want is at home. Home is where the love is.
The last few miles are always the worst aren’t they? Just when you’re almost home, when you can almost feel home ground under your feet, the world seems to be trying to slow you down. The traffic seems heavier than usual. Stupid people come up with stupid, trivial reasons why you shoudn’t go home right now. But when you manage to brush them all off and finally get home the prize is always worth the wait, trust me. And the best part of it is-home is always there-something that’s steady and unfailing. And something that gives you another chance, and another one after that, and another one. The world doesn’t give you extra chances-home does.
I’m an introvert. Frankly, I find myself out of place most of the time-except when I’m at home. That’s where I belong-that’s where I don’t stick out.
I ‘m nearing home now. I think about the life that I lead-the life I’ve chosen for myself-and I wonder-did I chose the right thing? Is this what I really want? Sometimes I’m sure. Sometimes I’m not. But ultimately, no matter what, you’ll find that there’s only so much of time away that you can stand. After that- the “places and the faces start getting old”. That’s when you know that its time to pack up shop and head home.
Ever chased a pretty rainbow? There are times when I’ve devoted so much time and effort chasing a dream. And when I finally get what I want-I find that its not really what I want. I get things I didn’t really bargain for. And when I reach this point-again, I know its time to head home.
What’s the difference between a home and a house? Answer-home is where the love is. A strange thing is always beautiful-exotic and tempting. We may chase it for a while. But in the end there’s nothing more beautiful than picking up that phone and saying, ”Yea mum, I’m home”
I'm going home,Back to the place where I belong,And where your love has always been enough for me.I'm not running from.No, I think you got me all wrong.I don't regret this life I chose for me.But these places and these faces are getting old.I said these places and these faces are getting old,So I'm going home.
I really can’t help it. My life is a song. Every time I look at the world, at some incident that touches me or makes me happy or sad-I hear a song playing in my head. It helps me understand-and it eases the pain. This next song is a beautiful number that tugs at me every time I hear it. Its called “Home” by Daughtry.
If I were to set a scene for this song-I would imagine myself driving back home after a concert. Its late at night, its been a long day and I’m thinking..
Home. I look outside into the night at the busy city, the world outside-and I feel comforted by the knowledge that for today at least it’s all over-that I’m going back to a place where I’m loved, where I’m wanted. No matter how bad the day has been, no matter how much I’ve messed up, I’m going back home now and its all going to be alright. I can see it already-My home, my house, my family. There are smiles-not plastic ones but real ones, and there are people who really care about me. There’s a mat at the door-it says, “Leave your problems at the door son, you’re home now” We spend our whole lives searching for things away from home to make ourselves feel better. The other man’s grass is always greener. But at the end of the day what we fail to realize, is that everything we truly need or want is at home. Home is where the love is.
The last few miles are always the worst aren’t they? Just when you’re almost home, when you can almost feel home ground under your feet, the world seems to be trying to slow you down. The traffic seems heavier than usual. Stupid people come up with stupid, trivial reasons why you shoudn’t go home right now. But when you manage to brush them all off and finally get home the prize is always worth the wait, trust me. And the best part of it is-home is always there-something that’s steady and unfailing. And something that gives you another chance, and another one after that, and another one. The world doesn’t give you extra chances-home does.
I’m an introvert. Frankly, I find myself out of place most of the time-except when I’m at home. That’s where I belong-that’s where I don’t stick out.
I ‘m nearing home now. I think about the life that I lead-the life I’ve chosen for myself-and I wonder-did I chose the right thing? Is this what I really want? Sometimes I’m sure. Sometimes I’m not. But ultimately, no matter what, you’ll find that there’s only so much of time away that you can stand. After that- the “places and the faces start getting old”. That’s when you know that its time to pack up shop and head home.
Ever chased a pretty rainbow? There are times when I’ve devoted so much time and effort chasing a dream. And when I finally get what I want-I find that its not really what I want. I get things I didn’t really bargain for. And when I reach this point-again, I know its time to head home.
What’s the difference between a home and a house? Answer-home is where the love is. A strange thing is always beautiful-exotic and tempting. We may chase it for a while. But in the end there’s nothing more beautiful than picking up that phone and saying, ”Yea mum, I’m home”
I'm going home,Back to the place where I belong,And where your love has always been enough for me.I'm not running from.No, I think you got me all wrong.I don't regret this life I chose for me.But these places and these faces are getting old.I said these places and these faces are getting old,So I'm going home.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
My Immortal
My Immortal
Artist: Evanescence
Album: Fallen
Wind Up records.
It’s amazing, isn’t it? How one piece of music-just a few words really-a few words and a few chords, and an idea-can change a life. Can speak to you-speak to you from the innermost reaches of your heart, speak to you .with the voice of your own heart. It just fits doesn’t it? Like a glove. The lyrics are about you. The song is singing your life. And all you want to say is, “Yes. This is how it was. This is how it should be. This is me. My life.” Each one of us has a special song. Some of us have several special songs. Songs that touched us,moved us, made us happy, made us sad. Well this article is about one such song. This article is a tribute to a song that spoke to me, and has spoken to millions of people the world over. This article is a tribute. A note here-I do not claim to understand perfectly what the song means. And I don’t need to really. This is what the song says to me. And that’s enough. The song is “My Immortal” by Evanescence.
‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. Sometimes, I wonder if Shakespeare had it right. There’s so much joy in loving. There’s so much pain. This song is about the pain.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
We’re here again aren’t we? You’re here now.-at the end of a relationship. And honestly you don’t know where to go from here. Ever felt the feeling that it would probably be better if they just went? That things would be alright if they would just pack up and leave? And then, when they leave-the pain starts. Everything reminds you of them.-that shirt, that empty glass. If you lose a person you love, the world seems to conspire to remind you of them-in every way possible.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Time’s a healer they say. All wounds die with time. You know what I think? I think time is like Band-aid.-only, bad band -aid. Imagine band-aid on a septic wound. It will hide the wound. Sure. It will hide the wound just until something opens it up again. The smallest prick and we’re bleeding all over again. Because the wound inside-that doesn’t ever heal.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
He looked at the flower, and though that look was for but one instant, the beauty in his heart he froze, long after he saw it no more. Now, take that one step further. The image that he froze in his heart-that image, devoid of the reality it represented, froze his heart.
Sanity is such a fragile thing. And we are such precocious, emotional people.-so easily disturbed. To the impartial observer we would make fine fools. We give our happiness and our sanity in the hands of another. And when that person goes away, or dies, well, a part of us dies, slowly.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
The mind will not accept what the heart knows has happened. No matter how much we tell ourselves that they’ve gone-that it’s over and that it was for the best. It doesn’t ease the pain really. It only makes us feel alone. And then we start to think-probably we were alone all along.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Now these lines. Well they’re the most beautiful ones in the song, at least according to me. They’re sung three times. The first two times have a soft mourning lilt to them.
To love someone so much. Ever woken up in the middle of the night from a bad dream? Remember now. The sweat, the fear, and the sudden cry with which you awoke. And then the thought-the reassuring thought that there is someone who cares. There is someone who will stand by you .Tell you it’s alright. That it’s all good. There isn’t a reason to fear. I am here by your side.
The last time these lines are sung the song reaches its climax with the guitar and the drums crashing in and adding a whole new dimension to the lyrics-anger. The last line is prolonged and completely softened though.
You still have all of me. When you died, when you went away, you took a part of me with you. And me, my shattered and fragmented self will always love you. No matter what.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Compartmentalization
We are jugglers,all of us.We are juggling people,we are juggling roles,we are juggling lives.And in this mad juggling game of life if we let even one piece dop...just one mistake...well... u know what happens...
I live in several worlds.Everyday of my life i traverse atleast five different worlds.Im not an alien.Nor am i an intergalactic travller.My life is hectic.Very hectic.A normal day in my life would involve me keeping a minimum of five different appointments with five completely different sets of people at five different places, each wanting something outta me.For the purpose of understanding think of each of these different sets of people as Worlds.My logic is -if u live one more than one,expect concessions from none.Make sense?Each of those worlds is a separate entity friend.Each of them expects your optimum attention(Note:I do not say full attention).U cannot go up to em and say"Cut me some slack here chum,i live on worlds B,C and D""If u cannot give each of those worlds ur Optimum attention,for God's sake dont enter them.Stay well away.Another thing-never ,never Never let the worlds mingle.Divide em strictly,precisely and syeadfastly.Never spend all ur time on World A thinking of ur responsibilities on World B.Im tellin u brother-the only thing ull end up doin is tearing ur sanity apart,piece by bloody piece.If u have learnt this-u have learnt balance.And believe me-Balance is the key.Remember"East is east and west is west.And never the twain shall meet."
I live in several worlds.Everyday of my life i traverse atleast five different worlds.Im not an alien.Nor am i an intergalactic travller.My life is hectic.Very hectic.A normal day in my life would involve me keeping a minimum of five different appointments with five completely different sets of people at five different places, each wanting something outta me.For the purpose of understanding think of each of these different sets of people as Worlds.My logic is -if u live one more than one,expect concessions from none.Make sense?Each of those worlds is a separate entity friend.Each of them expects your optimum attention(Note:I do not say full attention).U cannot go up to em and say"Cut me some slack here chum,i live on worlds B,C and D""If u cannot give each of those worlds ur Optimum attention,for God's sake dont enter them.Stay well away.Another thing-never ,never Never let the worlds mingle.Divide em strictly,precisely and syeadfastly.Never spend all ur time on World A thinking of ur responsibilities on World B.Im tellin u brother-the only thing ull end up doin is tearing ur sanity apart,piece by bloody piece.If u have learnt this-u have learnt balance.And believe me-Balance is the key.Remember"East is east and west is west.And never the twain shall meet."
Friday, January 4, 2008
Melodrama
Ive bin reading a few blogs recently,and some how im left with the feeling that my blog is kinda-hmmmm-juvenile.I mean ive bin reading blogs by people who sound like that they die a thousand deaths a day,cry hysterically over every death and lament life in terms that wuda sent Shakespeare scurrying for the dictionary.I mean -what is it with teenage(ers) girls and melodrama?Everyone is a bludy drama queen.They see pain here.Loss there.Suffering there.Blah blah blah.Life is meaningless etc etc.And the terms they use to describe their lives.Sheesh.I mean-come on-I have a sufficiently large vocab and ive seen my fair share of shit(Heck im blind in one eye and have a power of Seven-bludy-teen)-but even i dont go around using words like "grandiose"and "verbose" and phrases like"The illusion that is the world is going to come crashing down on you in the next nanosecond".Which century dyu people live in?Hmmm here's a totally baseless and largely unsuccessful attempt to understand these Doom and gloom addicts.These women(genrally) ad men(occasionally)(Wink:-)Sure me for bein sexist -i dont care) are verbose drama queens.Theyre drama addicts.They try to make out that their lives are poignant tales narrated by a dictionary with the page open on Melodrama-in an attempt to make the proverbial mountain outta the molehill.Why do u see so much pain round you?laugh a bit.Why is love an illusion?jus cos u have a failed relationship doesnt mean the world is about to end is it?Why is God an illusion?Jus cos He didnt come runnin whenever you had your petty lil moments doesnt mean He doesnt exist does it?
And in answer to this what do i get"(Sigh)u will never understand us Tragic,Misunderstood, Romantic souls"(Rolls Eyes).Argh.Wake up and smell the coffee.Smile a bit. Cant hurt more than what ure doin now.
And in answer to this what do i get"(Sigh)u will never understand us Tragic,Misunderstood, Romantic souls"(Rolls Eyes).Argh.Wake up and smell the coffee.Smile a bit. Cant hurt more than what ure doin now.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Potential
It is my gift.It is my curse.i look around me and i see-sooo much potential.For a long time now ive bin conscious of the fact that i have this curse to see an immense -ability- in EVEry person i see.Sho me a rag and i will draw the shirt it can become.Better yet-Ill make the shirt for you.I may even help u start production.While this may seem like a wonderful thing on the outside.It has proved to be a terrible curse.Ive become a Cynical Bastard.Every time,EVERY TIME to have to see so much potential go to waste-bein ruined by INCOMPETENT bums is like tearing out a bit of my soul.I feel like screaming in rage and frustration.Dont u See?Why the hell cant you see?uU have the ability.U have the God given talent for Pete's sake.I would KILL for some of the talents i see in ppl around me.I would commit Blue murder if i cud have been given talent,knowledge,opportunity,assets like yours.Ive had to build every talent I have wit me now from scratch.Whereas you-you have so much.And yet.And YET.U do Nothing.Open your eyes man.Luk at what youve got.See yourself as i see you.And for the love of God dont waste it.Please.Have mercy.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Faith
Ahh.Faith.Ye ole problemo.
See the thing about faith is this-never,NEVER try to rationalize it.Cos if you try to rationalize your faith-find "scientific"xplanations of your belief -Then that isnt faith at all.There are sooo many arguments for God and against god ,that ,quite frankly it can get damn annoyin sumtimes.Here's an interesting Pro- god argument that ive heard.It is also the most asinine argument i have ever had the misfortune to hear.
The idiot:See if ure an atheist and you deny the existance of God-then you obviously have some conception of what ure denying.(patronizing tone) i mean you cant deny "nothing"?Therefore QED -God exists.
Answer:You FRICKIN IDIOT!here's an extension of your argument.I dont belive in the Bogeyman either.therefor-since i cant deny "nothing"-the Bogeyman exists?get outta here.
The thing is this :i Can -singlehandedly-destroy every argument you can possibly put forward for the existence of God.I can say that ur need to believe in a "higher power" is merely a form of wishful thinking.You're not cool wit the fact that u jus appeared-that ure the product of randomness.You need to have a REASON.You need to believe that theres a person wit a plan-who's gonna make sure ur life turns out OK in the end.i could say you need to grow up .Wake up and smell the coffee brother.yeah.I COULD say that .But see -the thing is-what it ultimately boils down to is FAITH.I was talkin to a frend of mine recently.And I was feelin a trifle sore at religion in genral.Cos id had to attend a retreat the previous da.Anyway long story short-The pore chap wanted to talk to me about the existence of God.By the time i was thru wit him-and here i quote-id managed"to reduce his three percent of faith-down to 0.5 percent"( i wonder if at this point it would be wise to read from the Bible"If you have Faith as a grain of mustard seed ,you shall say to the mountain-Move.And it shall"I reckon 0.5 percent shud qualify as seed enough for anybody)Have faith my friend.Be clear on what you believe in.And HOLD ON to that clear belief.(Note:this is different from rationalizing.I could ,very clearly belive that I'm remarkably handsome-without any rational explanation for the strange fact)Believe.And whenever see a person comin at you -usually sum smart alec wit a vendetta against God(Nowadays its Cool to be an atheist)all u have to do is Smile enigmatically at him and say"Look I cant explain why i believe.i cant argue wit you I cant PROVE anything.But I believe"
See the thing about faith is this-never,NEVER try to rationalize it.Cos if you try to rationalize your faith-find "scientific"xplanations of your belief -Then that isnt faith at all.There are sooo many arguments for God and against god ,that ,quite frankly it can get damn annoyin sumtimes.Here's an interesting Pro- god argument that ive heard.It is also the most asinine argument i have ever had the misfortune to hear.
The idiot:See if ure an atheist and you deny the existance of God-then you obviously have some conception of what ure denying.(patronizing tone) i mean you cant deny "nothing"?Therefore QED -God exists.
Answer:You FRICKIN IDIOT!here's an extension of your argument.I dont belive in the Bogeyman either.therefor-since i cant deny "nothing"-the Bogeyman exists?get outta here.
The thing is this :i Can -singlehandedly-destroy every argument you can possibly put forward for the existence of God.I can say that ur need to believe in a "higher power" is merely a form of wishful thinking.You're not cool wit the fact that u jus appeared-that ure the product of randomness.You need to have a REASON.You need to believe that theres a person wit a plan-who's gonna make sure ur life turns out OK in the end.i could say you need to grow up .Wake up and smell the coffee brother.yeah.I COULD say that .But see -the thing is-what it ultimately boils down to is FAITH.I was talkin to a frend of mine recently.And I was feelin a trifle sore at religion in genral.Cos id had to attend a retreat the previous da.Anyway long story short-The pore chap wanted to talk to me about the existence of God.By the time i was thru wit him-and here i quote-id managed"to reduce his three percent of faith-down to 0.5 percent"( i wonder if at this point it would be wise to read from the Bible"If you have Faith as a grain of mustard seed ,you shall say to the mountain-Move.And it shall"I reckon 0.5 percent shud qualify as seed enough for anybody)Have faith my friend.Be clear on what you believe in.And HOLD ON to that clear belief.(Note:this is different from rationalizing.I could ,very clearly belive that I'm remarkably handsome-without any rational explanation for the strange fact)Believe.And whenever see a person comin at you -usually sum smart alec wit a vendetta against God(Nowadays its Cool to be an atheist)all u have to do is Smile enigmatically at him and say"Look I cant explain why i believe.i cant argue wit you I cant PROVE anything.But I believe"
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